About Kate
Life Coach in Cape Town

THE RICH AUNTIE RENAISSANCE 
BY ROBYN MCLARTY

It’s the year  2025-thrive.

Most of us have lost count as to which wave of feminism we’re currently in – we just know the water is warm, and Western women are enjoying more freedoms than ever before in the history of humanity (more or less).
And yet – we still have a long way to go. Unfathomably, society appears to still have a firm grip on its suspicion towards women entering their autumn years sans children or spouse. In particular, women who do so by choice.

We’re described as past our prime, incomplete, lonely ‘cat ladies’, unfulfilled and responsible for the collapse of the population. What’s a (perimenopausal) girl to do? Well, for starters, we can take inspiration from the ‘rich aunty’ trend, a subversive counterpoint to the ‘traditional wife’. The rich aunty is stylish, rich (obvs), charismatic, successful and independent – she has been said to represent ‘redefining your own personal meaning of womanhood’.

But in order to unshackle ourselves from the shame society insists we should feel about being over 40, single and childless, we need to go deeper. “There are so many things a woman should be in today’s world,” says life coach Kate Clark (thunderlifecoaching.co.za). “Confident, but not arrogant. A career woman, but also a wife and mother. Sexy, but not promiscuous. Loving, but not clingy. She should take care of the household, but not just be a housewife. She should go to gym, but not build too much muscle. She should also be sweet, but not moody or dramatic. There’s so much pressure to be the ideal woman, and social media dishes up plenty of examples,” says Kate. “It’s easy to forget that it’s all smoke and mirrors, and that these seemingly perfect lives are performative. We all feel the impact of this way of thinking, and it often creates feelings of inadequacy. That’s exactly the point where we need to start seMing our own expectations of ourselves and our lives. Have your own personal goals, focus on your path and stick to your values. One thing we can do for each other is to stop judging other people’s life choices and take ownership of our own.”

Indeed, there isn’t a single facet of women’s lives that isn’t scrutinised through the patriarchal lens, yet there is something especially pernicious about deeming women defective or aberrant as they transition from fertile to infertile, without having produced any additional humans. This period can be an incredibly empowering time, as we cast off the last vestiges of people-pleasing and step into a new era, unencumbered by the need to be approved of – yet it can also be a vulnerable time, characterised by the hormonal rollercoaster of perimenopause, possible grief as we mourn our younger self, as well as uncertainty about our value in a culture that worships youthful beauty.
A woman in her 40s or 50s may be childless and unttached by choice, and happily so – and she might not be. Either way, society’s disapproval is the same.
What’s important, Kate says, is that you make decisions for yourself because it’s what you want – not because it’s what is expected.
“We’re all individuals and we all have our own stories, opinions and ideas of the way we want to spend our lives,” says Kate. “If your dream has always been to get married and have children, and this hasn’t happened yet, it can feel like a failure and like the doors to this life are slowly closing in on you. It might not be easy to ‘get over it’. But you can change your mindset. When we imagined our future one specific way our whole lives, we can get very aMached to it. I think it’s important to think in a realistic way and imagine various outcomes
for ourselves. Things just don’t always go as planned, and we can still come out just fine on the other side.”
She stresses the importance of introspection to get clear on what’s really important to us at this stage of our lives, away from the noise of the dominant culture, and focus on the positive: What’s not to love about having fewer responsibilities, more financial security and more freedom? In addition, ‘rich aunties’ can provide vital support to frazzled parents, and a special brand of love for the children of friends and family. “It is vitally important to cultivate all facets of your life – however, what that looks like is an individual choice. Having a good balance of rewarding work, friends, family, exercise, mindfulness and me-time is a good start. Making progress towards achieving ‘bucket list’ goals is another. It’s not about having a ‘perfect’ life – rather, it’s about taking consistent, small, achievable steps that create greater fulfilment over time.”
In a nutshell, embracing our inner rich aunty is about calibrating our inner compass to our own unique priorities – and giving the finger to anything or anyone who
tries to shame us for our life choices. Oh look, it’s 2pm! Time for a margarita. And maybe afterwards, you can go shopping.